Day 4 -Confidence where did you come from?

Its a beautiful day in Juneau. I made a crock pot stew for the first time in my life, spent hours listening to the IIN March Conference live on my lap top, and got great information. I even took Freya for a walk on the beach. The tide was up high, there were dogs everywhere and it was freezing cold and bright and sunny out.

Life seems so much different these days. Cooking food, learning new things, getting clients for my business, exploring new places and people with a dog at my side. These are the kinds of things I haven't done much of in years. They used to be an every day part of my life. Zeus and I would explore everywhere and introduce ourselves to random strangers who would later become my best friends. (Here's a shout out to Lydia, my best friend and soul sister who was met when I used to be confident and go out of my way to introduce myself to perfect strangers. Who knows what she was thinking when I introduced myself to her). But that was years ago and over the last 6 years I've lost confidence in myself, gained a lot of weight and discovered that staying home and reading my books was better then being outside. Which is such total nonsense I LOVE being outside and I love reading books. One of those shouldn't have come to dominate the other. But I lost my confidence in myself and everything I do and I allowed life events to lower my self esteem dramatically.

Things are changing, for the better. Today I walked Freya on the beach. No thought to it, just grabbed the dog, ran my eron (how the heck to you spell that?) and hit the freezing cold beach before heading home to school work and prepping for client meetings this week. No worries, no fears, no negative self talk. Just enjoying the moment, enjoying life. It was beautiful. While I mentally feel like I should go walk/run/job 10 miles like I used to with Zeus, I physically can only do a lot less then that. And that's ok. That's a huge step for me today. Realizing that its ok to do what I can do. One day I'll be there again. Walking my dogs, hiking my dogs, running my dogs, up and over mountains, all times of the day and night, by myself and with friends. But right now, I can't do that and that's ok. That's perfectly fine. What I can do is wonderful and I'm going to enjoy every moment of it and before I know it, I'll be able to do what I used to do, and I'll enjoy every moment of that to :)

Freya enjoying sunshine and watching the scary little dogs run on the beach.