Being positive

Was it the12 hours of sleep I got? Maybe the days of sunlight that we've had lately. Or possibly the exercise I got yesterday? Maybe the fact that I stayed within my calorie limit yesterday and didn't feel hungry or starved or even had to try hard to do so. Honestly, I don't really know why I feel like this but I'm going to enjoy every minute of it. I feel awesome! Great! Fantastic! Amazing, positive, enthusiastic and just plan good. I feel wonderful today. I don't have that over the top feeling of fantasticness, like nothing can go wrong. I just feel really good. I know things aren't perfect, but that's ok. I'm about to take my break and go walk the track at work for 15 minutes. Which is known to be painful for me. But within 15-30 minutes afterwards, I feel fine, good, great. And one day, one day I won't even be in pain or tired after a 15 minute walk. One day it'll be like nothing. It'll be the short walk that it is and I'll be wishing I could do more.

I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth. But I'm not going to live here forever. I'm tired of taking it for granted. This summer, this next year. I'm going to start getting out there and enjoying what this place has to offer. I'm going to stop taking it for granted and ignoring it because I've seen it every day for the last 20 years. I'm going to go out and enjoy it, relish in it. I'm going to really take a look at the beauty of the world around me.

Dealing with pain

I don't deal with pain and loss very well and this weekend I had to put my horse down. I knew this was coming for a couple months but I've been fighting the decision and on one level I know it was the right choice but on another I feel like I should have done more. I can't think about it or I fall apart. So I've been finding ways to distract myself from it. Like through exercise.

This weekend I went to the gym and worked out and I practiced bellydancing at home...a lot. I have managed to hurt my ankle and my back enough that I had to take some prescription pain meds to sleep last night. And I still didn't sleep well. Waking up constantly, having odd dreams. Its been like this for a week, that lack of sleep. Big surprise right?

To deal with the pain and loss, or not deal with it really. I keep myself busy. I exercise, practice bellydancing, clean, exercise, clean, bellydance, clean. If I do sit down for a moment the TV has to be going and I have to be reading a book and a magazine and watching the game my husband is playing on his lap top and brushing the shedding hair from one of my huskies and cleaning and studying and brain storming for project ideas. How long can I keep up this pace on little sleep? If I stop for a second, if I let me mind wonder for even a moment. I break down, fall apart.