Day 4 -Confidence where did you come from?

Its a beautiful day in Juneau. I made a crock pot stew for the first time in my life, spent hours listening to the IIN March Conference live on my lap top, and got great information. I even took Freya for a walk on the beach. The tide was up high, there were dogs everywhere and it was freezing cold and bright and sunny out.

Life seems so much different these days. Cooking food, learning new things, getting clients for my business, exploring new places and people with a dog at my side. These are the kinds of things I haven't done much of in years. They used to be an every day part of my life. Zeus and I would explore everywhere and introduce ourselves to random strangers who would later become my best friends. (Here's a shout out to Lydia, my best friend and soul sister who was met when I used to be confident and go out of my way to introduce myself to perfect strangers. Who knows what she was thinking when I introduced myself to her). But that was years ago and over the last 6 years I've lost confidence in myself, gained a lot of weight and discovered that staying home and reading my books was better then being outside. Which is such total nonsense I LOVE being outside and I love reading books. One of those shouldn't have come to dominate the other. But I lost my confidence in myself and everything I do and I allowed life events to lower my self esteem dramatically.

Things are changing, for the better. Today I walked Freya on the beach. No thought to it, just grabbed the dog, ran my eron (how the heck to you spell that?) and hit the freezing cold beach before heading home to school work and prepping for client meetings this week. No worries, no fears, no negative self talk. Just enjoying the moment, enjoying life. It was beautiful. While I mentally feel like I should go walk/run/job 10 miles like I used to with Zeus, I physically can only do a lot less then that. And that's ok. That's a huge step for me today. Realizing that its ok to do what I can do. One day I'll be there again. Walking my dogs, hiking my dogs, running my dogs, up and over mountains, all times of the day and night, by myself and with friends. But right now, I can't do that and that's ok. That's perfectly fine. What I can do is wonderful and I'm going to enjoy every moment of it and before I know it, I'll be able to do what I used to do, and I'll enjoy every moment of that to :)

Freya enjoying sunshine and watching the scary little dogs run on the beach.

Day 3 - oh crap

Today is the first day of a conference for IIN, and of course they're on Eastern standard time. So when they start at 10am its 6am in Alaska. I got up right at 6 this morning and hobbled half awake to boot up my laptop and join the conference from afar. Heartburn was bugging me so I suffered through some tums as I blinked wearily at my screen and logged on.  Taking a moment to be paranoid and put a cover on my webcam, I grabbed my water bottle and rinsed my mouth of the horrible after taste of tums. I don't know what was wrong with me as a kid that I thought those things tasted great. As I connected to the conference and slowly woke up it hit me. Yay I can take my pill and poof like magic I'll feel better and then in an hour I could eat breakfast and man today is just going to be a great freaking day. Oh crap. I took tums already. Did you know that you have to wait at least 4 hours after taking the thyroid meds in order to take an antacid? Double crap, I bet that means I have to wait 4 hours now before I can take my thyroid meds and I have to take them on an empty stomach. So a minimum of 2 hours after I eat and I can't eat for at least an hour after taking my meds. What the heck do I do now....great start to the day. :( bummer I don't want to eat until I take my pill but I just took tums...yep, i hate tums. Stupid heartburn