I love Sparkpeople.com. I can't not love it. Although I know people can find it overwhelming and confusing when first joining it. The site is absolutely amazing. Giving you resources and support on your health journey. It's not like any other free wight loss website out there. I know, I've joined dozens of them. But sparkpeople isn't just about weight loss. It's about getting healthy. They have a lot of resources from support groups to an online health coach. They even have stuff about getting financially healthy as well. This site is great for everyone. Lose weight, gain bulk, tone up, healthier eating, vegan diets, all sorts of stuff. The first year I got on them I didn't really use it because of a lot of reasons. Partly I couldn't figure out how to use it and partly because my life went to hell in a hand basket 2 months later. But I'm not really here to talk so much about sparkpeople as something else.
Sparkpeople has this great person on their staff who goes by "Coach Nicole" shes inspirational and amazing. She talks about finding your healthy weight and not trying to force yourself down to unhealthy images we see on tv and in magazines. This summer she got the opportunity to work with SELF magazine. It was great. She wrote about the experience and the cloths and the people she worked with. But as she was talking about it, there was things posted on sparkpeople about how she was going to be in the September Issue. It was July and she was so excited and positive about things and I was in such need for some extra boosts of positivity and health that I decided to sign up for the Magazine. It was like $12 for a year! So in July I signed up for it. And Paid for a full year subscription by internet. Of course they always say expect 6-8 weeks for the first edition to reach you. In August I decided to subscribe to Yoga Journal and Vegetarian Times. All in my pursuit for a happier, healthier, better future.
The first week in September I got both Yoga Journal and Vegetarian Times in the mail. I decided to paitently wait for my SELF magazine while I poored through those other two and started incorporating things into my life. By the end of the first week in October I still hadn't recieved an issue of SELF. I had even ran around town looking for a September issue in September because I didn't want to miss out on the one with Coach Nicole in it. I couldn't find a single place that had any copies. That was in September. I figured that when I finally got my copy in the mail I could give the extra copy away to someone else who might be interested.
Stores are supposed to switch over to the next issues of magazines the last week of the month before. So October issues went out between the 20th and 25th of September. Not that I could find any of those ones in town. The whole point of signing up was to get September's issue with Coach Nicole. By the end of the first week in October I had yet to recieve a single issue of SELF magazine. I got online and checked my account. They weren't going to send me a September issue. They were starting my subscription in October. Even though I had signed up and paid in July. Ok whatever, I figured I would see what they were like anyways. But I had already begun to recieve weekly requests to renew my subscription in my email and my mailbox. I hadn't even gotten and SINGLE issue yet and they were bugging me to renew already! I sent an email to their customer service explaining that I had yet to recieve a single issue and the first week of October was almost over. I of course got the email saying they recieved my email and a customer service person would be contacting me shortly. A WEEK later they emailed me and all the person said was that at the time of my email the magazine wasn't considered late yet. That was it. How lame is that?
So I waited and by the last week of October I had STILL not received October's issue. I sent another email explaining that. All I got in responce was the automated email saying someone would be in touch with me shortly. It's December 19th. No one EVER got in touch with me. No email, no phone call. I finally recieved my October issue on the last saturday of the month. Over a week since the stores would have pulled the October issue off the shelves. November...same thing happened. got my November issue the last weekend of the month. Ever other magazine subcription I've gotten in my life have all come within the flast week of the month prior or the first few days of that month. I have had a LOT of magazine subscriptions over the years. Until recently I regularly subscribed to a large number of horse magazines. I used to subscribe to a number of fitness and health magazines as well. I have never had such poor service.
I will not be renewing my subscription to them. Their service sucks and their magazine is over 75% advertisements. Whats really sad is that this put a damper on my enthusiasm about sparkpeople and coach nicole. But it wasn't only a small damper. No one is perfect. And for every person that complains theres like 10 people who love it. But I wont have anything to do with them ever again. It was only a $12 mistake, but it's still a total bummer.
I continue to receive weekly emails and letters urging me to renew and sign up a friend. I don't think there is anyone I dislike enough to sign them up free or for a small price.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
The Year of the Core
I was just reading an interesting email through About.com on Yoga. I subscribe to some of their email newsletters. The one on Yoga is written by Ann Pizer (http://yoga.about.com/bio/Ann-Pizer-12794.htm?nl=1) and it always has good information. For those of you who don't know. About.com has a number of free newsletters and e-courses that you can have delivered directly to your inbox and you can always opt out of them at any time. I get a number of them including trying to learn French in preparation for talking French once I head back to college.
So in this article she talked about all this negative stuff that happened concerning Yoga in the last year and how she chooses not to think about that but to think about the positive aspects. Which, honestly, is something I've struggled with in the last couple years. Its something a lot of people struggle with but is much needed for all of us. The need to focus on more positive then negative. Which is not the point of this but really people. We have so much negativity in our lives. We really should try to focus more on the positive. You can see the negative, you can acknowledge it, but we shouldn't dwell in it. We just bring our own lives down. So Ann is looking back on the last year and calling it the year of the core. If you read the information she provides you can see how its true. However if you're anything like me you probably haven't been focusing on your core muscles this last year. And lets face it people.
Core is where it's all at. Balance, life, it all revolves around your core. Your core muscles (the abs and lower back) are the foundation for everything we do. Every day we use our core muscles continuously. I'm learning more and more about how they play a major part in every single thing we do. Everything. I'm serious. Stop looking at me like that :) no really, look it up. Your core muscles connect to everything. They're responcible for everything. And when they're weak, we suffer. We have problems. So while everything is connected I was thinking about what she was saying about last year being the year of the core. But I was thinking I will make this next year the year of the core for me.
Let me explain. While I'm starting to do Yoga again and practicing bellydancing. While I'm sitting at my desk or walking my dogs. Every thing I do brings those core muscles into use. I don't know about you but let me tell you something. My core muscles are WEAK. This year I will once again try to focus more on myself. And I will do better then I did last year. While working through my health and fitness I'm going to do some major focusing on my core muscles. With everything connected through them, I think this is a very important thing to focus on. Core is everything. So lets make this next year the year of the core. Utilize the resources that were created last year to make a better, stronger next year.
So in this article she talked about all this negative stuff that happened concerning Yoga in the last year and how she chooses not to think about that but to think about the positive aspects. Which, honestly, is something I've struggled with in the last couple years. Its something a lot of people struggle with but is much needed for all of us. The need to focus on more positive then negative. Which is not the point of this but really people. We have so much negativity in our lives. We really should try to focus more on the positive. You can see the negative, you can acknowledge it, but we shouldn't dwell in it. We just bring our own lives down. So Ann is looking back on the last year and calling it the year of the core. If you read the information she provides you can see how its true. However if you're anything like me you probably haven't been focusing on your core muscles this last year. And lets face it people.
Core is where it's all at. Balance, life, it all revolves around your core. Your core muscles (the abs and lower back) are the foundation for everything we do. Every day we use our core muscles continuously. I'm learning more and more about how they play a major part in every single thing we do. Everything. I'm serious. Stop looking at me like that :) no really, look it up. Your core muscles connect to everything. They're responcible for everything. And when they're weak, we suffer. We have problems. So while everything is connected I was thinking about what she was saying about last year being the year of the core. But I was thinking I will make this next year the year of the core for me.
Let me explain. While I'm starting to do Yoga again and practicing bellydancing. While I'm sitting at my desk or walking my dogs. Every thing I do brings those core muscles into use. I don't know about you but let me tell you something. My core muscles are WEAK. This year I will once again try to focus more on myself. And I will do better then I did last year. While working through my health and fitness I'm going to do some major focusing on my core muscles. With everything connected through them, I think this is a very important thing to focus on. Core is everything. So lets make this next year the year of the core. Utilize the resources that were created last year to make a better, stronger next year.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Salvation Army vs. Saint Vincent De Pauls
When I was growing up we used to shop at Salvation Army all the time. Occasionally we used to stop by the Saint Vincent De Pauls. These are both local thrift stores. Salvation Army had a large store full of stuff. Usually things that fell out of fasion years ago but when you don't have much money you get what you can, where you can. It was always dusty and dirty and kind of moldy smelling but the people at the front counter were always friendly if seemingly rather tired and always busy. The place was always stuffed to the walls and people always told me it was a good idea to shop there because the proceeds go to help those less fortunate. We always donated our little worn clothing that no longer fit to them.
We didn't do to much shopping at Saint Vincents. Their store was smaller and occasionally you would find a good deal but mostly it wasn't that great. I don't remember donating to them.
About 10 years ago I did some volunteer work and it has changed the choices I make. I spent a couple days at the Salvation Army. It was boring and eye opening. They had stuff in back stock waiting to go out on the floor, not much of it. But they were getting trash bags full of new and nice clothing every day. What did they have me do with it? Throw it in the big dumpster. Not even look at it, just throw it away. I was told "we have enough stuff right now so just throw away whatever we get in" That's what I did for a couple days. Just throw away item after item of usable clothing, shoes, bedding, everything. I was mortified. I was also bored because unless someone was dropping something off, that just got thrown away, I had nothing to do. They didn't give me anything to do but sit in the back room and occasionally throw things away.
After a few days of that I went to help out at Saint Vincent De Pauls. What a difference. Did you know that lost and found from the airport that never gets picked up, gets dropped off there? So do a number of other local organizations. Drop off stuff there I mean. Yet there store is not very big. So what happens to all that stuff? The nice lady showing me around showed me this room. It was filled with boxes. Floor to ceiling, wall to wall. Each box was neatly packed and labeled. Then a couple times a year a container from one of the shipping places stops by and fills it up. They ship it off to rural villages, 3rd world countries and people in need around the globe. The only things thrown away were unsalvagable things. Things with huge rips and stains.
I ended up volunteering there for a while past the hours I needed. They were always busy and always in need of help sorting, cleaning and boxing things. I don't know how other places run their businesses. But last night I was reading an article in SELF magazine that talked about different cancer charities and research institutes and where the money actually goes. It's always good to know what happens to the stuff and/or money that you donate. Do your research before donating. It doesn't help your cause if you're donating to a place that uses the money for personal gains like salaries and bonuses.
Its like how I found out that the local PetCo solicits monetary donations for our local shelter The Gastineau Humane Society. Yet less then 15% of what they collect actually goes to the shelter. Yet our local shelter which depends on donations in order to provide things like food and medical needs for the homeless animals of Juneau shows an 50-80% drop in donations since PetCo opened. But thats a topic for a different blog.
We didn't do to much shopping at Saint Vincents. Their store was smaller and occasionally you would find a good deal but mostly it wasn't that great. I don't remember donating to them.
About 10 years ago I did some volunteer work and it has changed the choices I make. I spent a couple days at the Salvation Army. It was boring and eye opening. They had stuff in back stock waiting to go out on the floor, not much of it. But they were getting trash bags full of new and nice clothing every day. What did they have me do with it? Throw it in the big dumpster. Not even look at it, just throw it away. I was told "we have enough stuff right now so just throw away whatever we get in" That's what I did for a couple days. Just throw away item after item of usable clothing, shoes, bedding, everything. I was mortified. I was also bored because unless someone was dropping something off, that just got thrown away, I had nothing to do. They didn't give me anything to do but sit in the back room and occasionally throw things away.
After a few days of that I went to help out at Saint Vincent De Pauls. What a difference. Did you know that lost and found from the airport that never gets picked up, gets dropped off there? So do a number of other local organizations. Drop off stuff there I mean. Yet there store is not very big. So what happens to all that stuff? The nice lady showing me around showed me this room. It was filled with boxes. Floor to ceiling, wall to wall. Each box was neatly packed and labeled. Then a couple times a year a container from one of the shipping places stops by and fills it up. They ship it off to rural villages, 3rd world countries and people in need around the globe. The only things thrown away were unsalvagable things. Things with huge rips and stains.
I ended up volunteering there for a while past the hours I needed. They were always busy and always in need of help sorting, cleaning and boxing things. I don't know how other places run their businesses. But last night I was reading an article in SELF magazine that talked about different cancer charities and research institutes and where the money actually goes. It's always good to know what happens to the stuff and/or money that you donate. Do your research before donating. It doesn't help your cause if you're donating to a place that uses the money for personal gains like salaries and bonuses.
Its like how I found out that the local PetCo solicits monetary donations for our local shelter The Gastineau Humane Society. Yet less then 15% of what they collect actually goes to the shelter. Yet our local shelter which depends on donations in order to provide things like food and medical needs for the homeless animals of Juneau shows an 50-80% drop in donations since PetCo opened. But thats a topic for a different blog.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Dealing with pain
I don't deal with pain and loss very well and this weekend I had to put my horse down. I knew this was coming for a couple months but I've been fighting the decision and on one level I know it was the right choice but on another I feel like I should have done more. I can't think about it or I fall apart. So I've been finding ways to distract myself from it. Like through exercise.
This weekend I went to the gym and worked out and I practiced bellydancing at home...a lot. I have managed to hurt my ankle and my back enough that I had to take some prescription pain meds to sleep last night. And I still didn't sleep well. Waking up constantly, having odd dreams. Its been like this for a week, that lack of sleep. Big surprise right?
To deal with the pain and loss, or not deal with it really. I keep myself busy. I exercise, practice bellydancing, clean, exercise, clean, bellydance, clean. If I do sit down for a moment the TV has to be going and I have to be reading a book and a magazine and watching the game my husband is playing on his lap top and brushing the shedding hair from one of my huskies and cleaning and studying and brain storming for project ideas. How long can I keep up this pace on little sleep? If I stop for a second, if I let me mind wonder for even a moment. I break down, fall apart.
This weekend I went to the gym and worked out and I practiced bellydancing at home...a lot. I have managed to hurt my ankle and my back enough that I had to take some prescription pain meds to sleep last night. And I still didn't sleep well. Waking up constantly, having odd dreams. Its been like this for a week, that lack of sleep. Big surprise right?
To deal with the pain and loss, or not deal with it really. I keep myself busy. I exercise, practice bellydancing, clean, exercise, clean, bellydance, clean. If I do sit down for a moment the TV has to be going and I have to be reading a book and a magazine and watching the game my husband is playing on his lap top and brushing the shedding hair from one of my huskies and cleaning and studying and brain storming for project ideas. How long can I keep up this pace on little sleep? If I stop for a second, if I let me mind wonder for even a moment. I break down, fall apart.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Comment
I opened my email today and WOW there was a comment on my blog. A comment! Now this might not seem like much to you but it's a huge deal to me. Want to know why? It means someone was reading my blog! ~insert happy dance here~ Thats pretty awesome. It's the first comment on my blog. The first one. I've had this thing for a year now. Ok so it's not like I've written much and lots of it has been ranting about one thing or another but wow, thats so cool AND the comment had a link to a really helpful website. I know cause I checked it out. It's cool. Women should bookmark that place. :)
Monday, October 22, 2012
Women's Health Forum 2012
Every year the local Cancer Connection group sponcers a women's health forum. Its incredibly awesome. Full of great information, a great speaker and tons of tables from local businesses and groups dealing with women related health issues. Every year there is a different topic. This years was Boosting your Immune system for cancer prevention. I had the best time, learn lots of great things and ended up with 7 pages of typed notes. (There is also a men's health forum every spring but I've never been to that). I'm amazed at hw many people don't know about it. Hundreds of people go every year. This year there was a doctor's office doing these body scan thingys and letting you know about the toxin levels, water levels and stuff like that in your system. It took 10 seconds and I got this awesome print out on where I'm at and a quick one on one session with one of the doctors about where I'm at health wise, where I want to be and how to get there. Amazing. So I've been sharing this information with people today at work. I have already ended up handing out multiple copies of my notes to people who are intested in this. I mean really, who wouldn't benefit from boosting your immune system?
I'm including my notes for those who might be interested. I'm sure there are typos and there are parts I missed because I was note taking and you'll notice some personal references for me to look up and the face that some things are called "stuff" or "bad stuff" or "bad cells" because I didn't catch the technical term for them. I hope the notes help you. I know I'll be looking through them and refering to them myself over the next couple days/weeks/months even years maybe :)
I'm including my notes for those who might be interested. I'm sure there are typos and there are parts I missed because I was note taking and you'll notice some personal references for me to look up and the face that some things are called "stuff" or "bad stuff" or "bad cells" because I didn't catch the technical term for them. I hope the notes help you. I know I'll be looking through them and refering to them myself over the next couple days/weeks/months even years maybe :)
Women’s Health Forum October 20, 2012
Notes
Pujaricenter.com
Immune system important for cancer prevention. Not just germ fighting but tumor to.
Components of immune system
· White cells
· Organs
· Lymphatic system
§ Thymus
§ Tonsils
§ Lymph nodes/channels
§ Spleen
§ Bone Marrow
§ Intestine (peyer’s patches)
Tips to boost immune
Tip #1 Eat less refined sugar
· Colon cancer and sugar
· Pancreatic cancer
· Overweight/sedentary increased
Sugar affects your immune system and y our tumor growth.
When you have a lot of sugar it affects how your body uses and is able to use vitamin C. Sugar drops the ability of your white blood cells for up to 5 hours. One can of soda really makes a huge difference.
What is sugar? Anything with a high glicemic ie. White flour, pretzels, crackers, evaporated juice, not just the things you might normally think.
Tip #2 Lose Weight
Tip #3 Exercise Moderately – 30min/day
Moderate, consistent exercise
· Boosts your immune system
· Immune cells circulate quickly
Tip #4 Avoid Extreme Exercise – more than 90 minutes like in marathons
Tip #5 Sleep
· Boosts your immune system
How much sleep is needed?
In the 1960s people were getting avg of 9 hours. The current avg is 6.5. Studies show that 8 hours is needed.
If you miss some one night, it takes you 3 nights to recover.
Chronic sleep deprivation – what happens
· Weight gain
· Glucose problems
· Tumors grow 2x faster
· Memory loss
· Trouble with focus/concentration
How to improve sleep? = Sleep Hygiene
· Consistent bedtime/wake time – life rhythms are set by this
· Dark bedroom
· No TV or reading in bed
· If can’t sleep after 20min get out of bed and do something quiet and boring
· No caffeine/alcohol before bed – disrupts the sleep/wake cycle.
Antibodies are good things your immune system secrets to help the body identify and destroy the bad stuff.
Lack of sleep greatly reduces your antibodies.
Lack of sleep has also been tied to diabetes development.
Tip #6 Take a probiotic (theres a 2hr lecture on it on her website that you can watch)
· A helpful bacteria
· Boosts Iga (antibody)
· Increase immune cells ability to eat foreign things
· Decreases inflammation in intestines
· Drops allergic reactions
· Good for cancer prevention
· Helps shorten frequency and severity of colds
Study showed that women who took probiotics the last months of pregnancy and child got it the first months after born showed a significant reduction in allergies and allergy related symptoms like eczema and diarrhea.
Check consumerlab.com
Tip #7 Elderberry – sacred bush in Europe
· Boosts immune system from anthocyanidins
· Phenomenal antioxidant
· Used for flue epidemic in Panama (Note: mom should look up elderberry and flu/fibromyalgia)
Go for black berry colored one, go for the syrup, the second you feel like you’re getting something you should take it immediately and frequently.
If harvesting – don’t get the red berry, red berry stems and leaves, they are toxic.
Tip #8 Laugh
· Gives you higher levels of the natural killer cells that fight bad cells and cancer causing stuff
· Improves circulation
· Decreases stress
· Drops calories
Tip #9 Guided Imagery
· Relaxed visualization
· Uses imagination to help yourself
· Increases white blood cell counts
· Improves immune by
§ Decreasing stress
§ Decreasing anxiety
§ Decreasing pain
§ Decreasing negative side effects from chemotherapy
Studies have shown that people who imagined good things like a specific kind of cell count going up and every time they did it that specific cell count went up. They did this with different cells and every time whichever cell they focused on seeing increase, increased.
Tip #10 Gratitude
· Cultivates optimism
· Helps you maintain higher numbers of white blood cells when under stress then pessimistic people
· Less heart attacks
· More likely to do positive self care ie. exercise and eat well
· Less stress and better able to cope with stress
Write a regular gratitude list, you start doing better things for yourself and your life
Tip #11 Self Awareness and Emotions
Any crisis in our lives can be used to become more of the person you want to be.
· Hidden emotions – repressed anger/sadness
· People who journaled about their worries for 8 days saw a drop in the bad things in their bodies/cells
Note: She wrote a book about this, look into it
Tip #12 Expressive writing
· Improves immune system
· Improves lung/liver function
· Improves blood pressure
· Improves pain/physical function
· Improves sports performance
She has a 30 day workbook available on her website in e-book format and regular www.pujaricenter.com
Questions & Answers
Diet Soda?
Sacrin - associated with cancer
Asportene - associated with cancer
Sucralos – shown to atrophy/shrink the spleen (main place that houses your immune system)
Even though doesn’t have sugar in it, it is still bad. For general health it is better to choose sugar over artificial sweeteners.
If you’re going to have something like a cookie, enjoy it.
Agaver is a fructose syrup. There will be future studies that show the bad side effects of using it.
Sugar in moderation and enjoy, Maybe use honey but still in moderation.
Stevia – only good way to use it is to grow it, and then grind it up and use it in food. The problem is that now days it has been extracted so much that it resembles the granulars of sugar, its close to a drug now so it has more potential of side effects do to how much it has been extracted down to a base. Like everything else it should be used wisely and in moderation.
Antioxidant Supplement – what is the best apart from veggies?
First and foremost, get your fruits and veggies, 10 servings a day, 5 colors a day. Forget everything else until you do that. Then add herbs like green tea, elderberry, dandelion, kale (it’s just really good for you), turmeric, cumin, ginger, rosemary. Always choose diet before pills. Newlife has a supplement called Zyflamend that has a bunch of the good herbs/spices in it.
Which Probiotic do you recommend?
You want to have one that has at least 2 or 3 different kinds in it.
Primadophillus Optima by Natures Way (refrigerated)
While Yogurt is really good for you for many different reasons, the shelf life of probiotics in it is only a few days because it is a foreign thing introduced into the environment and the yogurt overpowers it within a few days.
What is the role of anger in the immune system?
Repressed anger has been correlated to cancer
When you go through something challenging you can either become a better person through it or we can shrink.
Xilitol something to research more about. Has been shown to do all sorts of good stuff with things like your teeth. (I missed part of this talk)
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve had a bad habit, you can always change today.
When we do something wrong, we give ourselves a hard time about it and then we feel guilty for a long time. How can you be a better person if you’re still holding onto the problems/mistakes of the past? Bring yourself back with compassion.
Look for book “how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk” amazing book for all people. With or without kids.
Gratitude list
Laugh everyday
Meditate Daily
Artists way
Expressive writing, says first thin in the morning to wake up and write 3 pages. Anything, whatever is on your mind. Just do it. Even if all you write is “blah blah blah”
Caffeine
It’s really not that bad
Between eating more fruits/veggies and cutting out caffeine. I would choose cutting out caffeine.
Choose to focus on other things before thinking about caffeine.
How does gastric bypass affect your immune system?
You have to take a multivitamin .
The biggest issues is how things get impaired from having it done, you have to follow what your doctor says and make sure to get enough nutrition.
Thyroid – effects when its removed?
It effects your immune system. Look to nutrition first. Usually you go on a thyroid supplement so there shouldn’t be much change except for the better.
Zinc – is it still seen as an immune booster?
It’s essential for your immune system to work for over 300 things/reasons.
Be careful not to over do it, don’t go over 40miligrams a day or it prevents copper absorption.
Do not use a nasal spray, it causes sinus problems and smelling problems.
Apricot Kernal/Seeds
Check out holistic community for cancer
Don’t recommend taking this stuff. Latio can be dangerous (the stuff pulled from the kernals)
Is Challenging yourself good for your immune system? Like challenging yourself to try new things and learn new languages.
It’s good to challenge yourself to do new things and learn new things and keep your mind active. Like what they recommend for altzimers.
Everyday you should ask yourself/I ask myself what can I do emotionally, physically, and mentally for myself first before looking to medication.
Canola Oil
When you cook on high heat you create/release cancer causing chemicals into your food.
You need enough Omega 3s to balance out the Omega 6s.
Don’t do lunch meat because they’re full of nitrates (unless it’s organic).
Dose it matter to take digestive enzymes with meals to be helpful/essential for nutrition absorption?
Not that I’ve heard of. I will need to do more research to really know about that.
Dose being cold and wet lower your immune system?
There have been some studies that say yes to that effect. At least having to do with cold. And wet cold is a colder cold.
Make donations to cancer connection to support these forums
Men’s health forum is in the spring.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Not happy with blog
I created a bellydancing journey blog that I've been ticking away at for a couple months. Just a few posts here and there. But now that I'm really getting into things I'm wanting to personalize my site more. I've been using blog.com for that blog and now that I'm trying to personalize things I am NOT happy. I don't know if it's just me but I find it confusing to do anything on that thing except for post blogs and even then it's not looking the way I would like it to look. So the place is hard to navigate and their aren't a lot of options for personalizing things. Like you can choose from a number of their themes but to actually do your own banners and changing the layout and stuff, nope, notta unless you are willing to pay. The cheapest is $15 a year but thats just to basically add your own top/title banner. Thats it. Thats all you get. If you want different things the price goes up from there.
I like the set up here on blogger.com so much better. I can' change the layouts, there are themes sure, but you can really really customize them. My own background photo, my profile photo shows up. You can add pages that are really just links to other websites or you can have new pages to do whatever you want with them. Like I'm thinking of changing my bellydancing blog to here instead of just linking it. Or better yet, I could create a blog on blogger for the bellydance journey. Or something. I'm just gripping right now ~sigh~
I like the set up here on blogger.com so much better. I can' change the layouts, there are themes sure, but you can really really customize them. My own background photo, my profile photo shows up. You can add pages that are really just links to other websites or you can have new pages to do whatever you want with them. Like I'm thinking of changing my bellydancing blog to here instead of just linking it. Or better yet, I could create a blog on blogger for the bellydance journey. Or something. I'm just gripping right now ~sigh~
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Sad Dream
So I had this dream last night. Have you ever had those dreams where when you wake up you're still not quite sure if you're awake? Well this wasn't one of them :) When I woke up I knew I was awake. But the feelings for the dream stayed with me. Vividly. I have spent all morning trying to shake the overwhelming saddness I felt when I woke up this morning. The dream has to do with something bad that happened in the past. But in the dream it was happening again. Not the same way, not all the same people. But an emotional mess all the same.
I can't help but wondering about that. How is it that we can wake up from dreams and still have the feelings from what happen in the dream like it had really happened. I feel like I really experienced all the ups and downs of that dream. I'm so sad from what happened even though it didn't really happen. I still can't shake the saddness and no amount of joking with friends, family and co-workers today is shaking that saddness. Which sucks because it's not such a bad day, you know. I brought Freya with me to work and she is all playful and snuggly. Even though my boss is out of town and I have a million things to do I'm steadily working through my list getting things done one at a time. I don't feel overwhelmed by it. The horse is don't ok and even though I'm going to have to put him down soon I'm not really having to face that decision today. And the weather isn't that bad.
Freya enjoying her day at work.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Co-worker vent
I have this co-worker. She is by far the worse employee I've ever had to work with. Late every day, takes late lunches, either leaves early or stays late with the dumb excuse that she is making up time (which we're NOT allowed to do) and working even though she doesn't actually work. And while she's at work she doesn't work. Next to never. When she does work she does a half ass job about it. Period. She doesn't care about her work, makes 100 mistakes a day, seriously, I'm not even extravigating. And then she likes to rant and rave about what an amazing employee she is and how no one treats her right but she is just so damned good at her job. I was hired at this job because she wasn't doing her job. i work for a not for profit organization and they didn't have money for another position. They hired me anyways. Thinking that she has too much stress in her every day life to do her job and that with hiring me to take some of the work load she'll get better.
Next month it'll have been a full year here. I'm leaving. I'm finding another job. They've given her numrous warnings but there's no way they will ever fire her and I'm tired of her acting like only she knows everything and best and no one is as good as her. She has next to no stress in her life. She goes out drinking and partying a couple nights a week and comes in hung over, once again, not doing her work. I know what some of you are thinking. Ah with the labor laws being the way they are my employer has to have solid proof for fireing her. We have an electronic time clock that scans your fingerprint to clock in and out. We have camera's throughout the whole building that record every minute of every day. Our work phones record every single conversation (she makes lots of personal phone calls), our computers record every thing we do. Which she spends most of her time on facebook, match sites and emailing her friends. So they have hours and hours of recorded evedince including physical right ups on her.
A couple months ago I said I've had enough. I spoke with my supervisor and the main boss and said I was going to start applying for other jobs because I couldn't deal with doing 80-95% of the work. They both agreed that yes I do do 80 - 95% of the work. They asked me to not start looking and give them a chance. They would talk to her and get her to straighten up her act. If it came down to it they would choose me as an employee over her. Well it's been a couple months, she actually kind of did her job for a couple weeks. Then she went back to just as bad as before, then worse and now she has taken up smoking and seems to think that entitles her to disappearing for 4-8 15minute breaks a day. I am sooo done with this.
Next month it'll have been a full year here. I'm leaving. I'm finding another job. They've given her numrous warnings but there's no way they will ever fire her and I'm tired of her acting like only she knows everything and best and no one is as good as her. She has next to no stress in her life. She goes out drinking and partying a couple nights a week and comes in hung over, once again, not doing her work. I know what some of you are thinking. Ah with the labor laws being the way they are my employer has to have solid proof for fireing her. We have an electronic time clock that scans your fingerprint to clock in and out. We have camera's throughout the whole building that record every minute of every day. Our work phones record every single conversation (she makes lots of personal phone calls), our computers record every thing we do. Which she spends most of her time on facebook, match sites and emailing her friends. So they have hours and hours of recorded evedince including physical right ups on her.
A couple months ago I said I've had enough. I spoke with my supervisor and the main boss and said I was going to start applying for other jobs because I couldn't deal with doing 80-95% of the work. They both agreed that yes I do do 80 - 95% of the work. They asked me to not start looking and give them a chance. They would talk to her and get her to straighten up her act. If it came down to it they would choose me as an employee over her. Well it's been a couple months, she actually kind of did her job for a couple weeks. Then she went back to just as bad as before, then worse and now she has taken up smoking and seems to think that entitles her to disappearing for 4-8 15minute breaks a day. I am sooo done with this.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Is it over?
I went to the gym tonight. I was tired but I figured what the heck I can do just 30minuets. It's JUST 30 minutes. I took care of my horse and dragged myself to the gym. Check in time. I double checked with the front desk when the wet room was going to close. I've been getting a lot of headaches lately due to major tension in my neck and shoulders so I figured a nice soak in the hot tub after my work out would be just the thing. I walked into the gym and there was a size 0 putting on her sexy panties and bra and strutting around the locker room getting ready to leave.
"Deep breaths" I told myself. "One day I'll get there. I used to be what, 170? No problem I can totally do this." I tried to ignore the two girls weighing themselves and complaining about being over 130 as I got ready. I finished changing in the restroom stall. But seriously, no sweat, one day I'll be there to. The power of positive thinking you know.
I filled my liter water bottle full and then chided myself for doing that. I never drink more then an ounce or two anyways but what the heck. I had to get out of the locker room and on the treadmill. Just 30 minutes ya know. Totally do-able. Ipod in hand and too heavy water bottle in the other, I headed up the stairs to the treadmills nodding a hello to the front desk staff. My normal treadmill was in use. You know you all have that perfect one. Mine was across from the windows that stared out onto the road and across that to an open field, mountains and the famous mendenhall glacier. It was my perfect treadmill. When it's dark outside, like it is right now. I just see my reflection in the single pane window that seems to frame me perfectly. I can stare at my shadow and send myself encouraging vibes. The TV was just right, the belt didn't squeak and I couldn't see the door really easy so I didn't get distracted by people watching who was coming and going and comparing myself to them. But no, that perfect treadmill was being used by a surprisingly fit man old enough to be my grandfather. So were the treadmills on either side. So I walked 2 away from the stairs and used that treadmill. :( It wasn't nearly as good as mine. And I found myself distracted by the people coming and going and walking up and down the stairs. The girl and guy on the elipticles near by giggling and talking in not so quite voices.
I was still trying to be positive so I put in my earphones and turned on my gym mix, turning it up until it drowned out all the sound around me. I set the treadmill for 3 miles an hour for 30 minutes and started channel surfing for something I could rest my eyes on. Family Guy. Dear God seriously? Oh well, it was colorful enough to keep my eyes on and stupid enough that I wouldn't actually get caught up in it and distracted.
It felt like the longest 30 minutes of my life. After 5 minutes I couldn't keep up the pase and had to drop down to 2 miles an hour. Slowly over the half hour period I increased until I was painfully trying to do 2.7 miles an hour. Sooo slow, do you remember the days when 3.5 miles an hour was unbearably slow to me? I felt like crying. My throat kept getting dry, good thing I had all that water. I sipped it a couple times and tried not to drool on myself. My back hurt, my feet hurt, my calves hurt, my thighs hurt (what the hell?), my butt hurt (same question), my arms hurt, my shoulders hurt and my head was starting to hurt. Shoulders back, head up, deep breaths, oh look I still had 10 more minutes.
I huffed and puffed and sweated my way through 30 minutes. I defiantly wasn't going to do anything after. Remember the days when 30 on the treadmill was just my warm up? half jog, part walk and part run. What happened? Fat, fat happened. To much food, Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat. I dreamed of getting in that hot tub and letting my cares and aches just wash away.
I hobbled down the stairs and into the locker room, where I drank half my liter of water and still felt thirsty. Thank God it was over. Ever inch of me hurt, which I just couldn't understand I mean seriously? I walked on a treadmill at 1% incline for 30 minutes! How lame is that!?! After everyone cleared out of the locker room I pulled out my swim suit. Oh yeah, hot tub here I come. Nice relaxing...wtf? I wiggled, squirmed, yanked and cried my way into my too tight too small swim suit. The humiliation wasn't over, the pain wasn't over. Wow life sucked.
I spent too much time in front of the mirror at that point. Criticizing everything I saw. Gone was the positive uplifting talk, gone was anything positive. I was fat and ugly and life sucked rotten eggs. I shuffled my way into the hot tub trying to visualize anything but what I had just seen in the mirror. 10 minutes later, this fat red lobster got out. More crying in the shower stall as I painfully got myself out of the swim suit. It was finally over, I'm going home and snuggling with a fluffy dog, or something. Anything/anywhere but here.
Not quiet. The other half of the liter of water drank. I sucked myself into my too tight pants and ripped my too tight shirt. I slipped my shoes on without tying them and headed out through the slush, snow and rain, in the dark to my breaking down car.
Worse work out ever.
Whats really funny about all of this. I feel more motivated then ever. I will NOT live like this anymore. I can't. This isn't a life.
"Deep breaths" I told myself. "One day I'll get there. I used to be what, 170? No problem I can totally do this." I tried to ignore the two girls weighing themselves and complaining about being over 130 as I got ready. I finished changing in the restroom stall. But seriously, no sweat, one day I'll be there to. The power of positive thinking you know.
I filled my liter water bottle full and then chided myself for doing that. I never drink more then an ounce or two anyways but what the heck. I had to get out of the locker room and on the treadmill. Just 30 minutes ya know. Totally do-able. Ipod in hand and too heavy water bottle in the other, I headed up the stairs to the treadmills nodding a hello to the front desk staff. My normal treadmill was in use. You know you all have that perfect one. Mine was across from the windows that stared out onto the road and across that to an open field, mountains and the famous mendenhall glacier. It was my perfect treadmill. When it's dark outside, like it is right now. I just see my reflection in the single pane window that seems to frame me perfectly. I can stare at my shadow and send myself encouraging vibes. The TV was just right, the belt didn't squeak and I couldn't see the door really easy so I didn't get distracted by people watching who was coming and going and comparing myself to them. But no, that perfect treadmill was being used by a surprisingly fit man old enough to be my grandfather. So were the treadmills on either side. So I walked 2 away from the stairs and used that treadmill. :( It wasn't nearly as good as mine. And I found myself distracted by the people coming and going and walking up and down the stairs. The girl and guy on the elipticles near by giggling and talking in not so quite voices.
I was still trying to be positive so I put in my earphones and turned on my gym mix, turning it up until it drowned out all the sound around me. I set the treadmill for 3 miles an hour for 30 minutes and started channel surfing for something I could rest my eyes on. Family Guy. Dear God seriously? Oh well, it was colorful enough to keep my eyes on and stupid enough that I wouldn't actually get caught up in it and distracted.
It felt like the longest 30 minutes of my life. After 5 minutes I couldn't keep up the pase and had to drop down to 2 miles an hour. Slowly over the half hour period I increased until I was painfully trying to do 2.7 miles an hour. Sooo slow, do you remember the days when 3.5 miles an hour was unbearably slow to me? I felt like crying. My throat kept getting dry, good thing I had all that water. I sipped it a couple times and tried not to drool on myself. My back hurt, my feet hurt, my calves hurt, my thighs hurt (what the hell?), my butt hurt (same question), my arms hurt, my shoulders hurt and my head was starting to hurt. Shoulders back, head up, deep breaths, oh look I still had 10 more minutes.
I huffed and puffed and sweated my way through 30 minutes. I defiantly wasn't going to do anything after. Remember the days when 30 on the treadmill was just my warm up? half jog, part walk and part run. What happened? Fat, fat happened. To much food, Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat. I dreamed of getting in that hot tub and letting my cares and aches just wash away.
I hobbled down the stairs and into the locker room, where I drank half my liter of water and still felt thirsty. Thank God it was over. Ever inch of me hurt, which I just couldn't understand I mean seriously? I walked on a treadmill at 1% incline for 30 minutes! How lame is that!?! After everyone cleared out of the locker room I pulled out my swim suit. Oh yeah, hot tub here I come. Nice relaxing...wtf? I wiggled, squirmed, yanked and cried my way into my too tight too small swim suit. The humiliation wasn't over, the pain wasn't over. Wow life sucked.
I spent too much time in front of the mirror at that point. Criticizing everything I saw. Gone was the positive uplifting talk, gone was anything positive. I was fat and ugly and life sucked rotten eggs. I shuffled my way into the hot tub trying to visualize anything but what I had just seen in the mirror. 10 minutes later, this fat red lobster got out. More crying in the shower stall as I painfully got myself out of the swim suit. It was finally over, I'm going home and snuggling with a fluffy dog, or something. Anything/anywhere but here.
Not quiet. The other half of the liter of water drank. I sucked myself into my too tight pants and ripped my too tight shirt. I slipped my shoes on without tying them and headed out through the slush, snow and rain, in the dark to my breaking down car.
Worse work out ever.
Whats really funny about all of this. I feel more motivated then ever. I will NOT live like this anymore. I can't. This isn't a life.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
All that Jazz
I was in Jazz Chior in high school and i loved it. Belting out music that made you want to tap your feet and bounce too. Music you could really Sing sing. Sparkly vest and bow tie in shimmering red. White tuxedo shirt. Black dress pants with shinny black stripes down the sides. Oh yeah.
When I was in college I took this uper division english class and during part of the class we listened to Jazz and wrote. Poetry, short stories, really anything that was brought to mind by the Jazz class. I loved and totally adored my english teacher Ms Easley. She was smart and articulate. She wrote poetry, short stories and stuff about history and literature AND she drove a Mustang. In short she was everything I wanted to be one day. The class was awesome but I realize now that I didn't nearly appriciate it.
I didn't like Jazz, or so I said. But honestly I never gave it a chance. I was so focused on not be a stereo typical black person and shying away from anything that catagorized me as that. Which is a whole different story. So I didn't give Jazz a chance. Not just that but I was rude and angry. I wrote about how listening to the Jazz made me want to rip off my ears or other such stupid nonsince crap. My professor loved Jazz and was sharing something she enjoyed with the students and I was a angry, self centered, heartless child who thought the world revolved around me and never thought about who i might be effecting. I wish I could find that teacher that I looked up to so much and appologize to her.
When I was in college I took this uper division english class and during part of the class we listened to Jazz and wrote. Poetry, short stories, really anything that was brought to mind by the Jazz class. I loved and totally adored my english teacher Ms Easley. She was smart and articulate. She wrote poetry, short stories and stuff about history and literature AND she drove a Mustang. In short she was everything I wanted to be one day. The class was awesome but I realize now that I didn't nearly appriciate it.
I didn't like Jazz, or so I said. But honestly I never gave it a chance. I was so focused on not be a stereo typical black person and shying away from anything that catagorized me as that. Which is a whole different story. So I didn't give Jazz a chance. Not just that but I was rude and angry. I wrote about how listening to the Jazz made me want to rip off my ears or other such stupid nonsince crap. My professor loved Jazz and was sharing something she enjoyed with the students and I was a angry, self centered, heartless child who thought the world revolved around me and never thought about who i might be effecting. I wish I could find that teacher that I looked up to so much and appologize to her.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
New Year's Resolutions: What happened to yours?
Today is Wednesday February 22nd, 2012. I just got done explaining this to a customer when it really hit me. It's almost the end of February! Didn't I have some resolutions to work on? 
I remember making a vow to myself that I would take a look at those resolutions once every week to remind myself to work on those. I felt so proud of myself because I knew at the end of the year I would look back and feel proud about the changes I've made this last year. When was the last time I looked at those? I have no clue. Its been so long I can't remember.
What were those resolutions? I remember there being something about setting myself weekly mini goals to help keep me going. Little things I know I can do but I just need to work at more. Things that aren't hard but that make a difference. At the end of the week you look back on those goals and think. Yeah, I did that. You feel confident and like there are many more things that you can do. Those little goals you get done each week help motivate you, keep you motivated and make you feel good about yourself and what you can do. One baby step at a time.
So I've missed at least the whole past month. I haven't been working on my resolutions. Are you feeling the same? You know what I realize? It's never too late to start over. Or to jump back on that train. I'm going to pull out that list tonight and look back over it. Make a few little goals for the rest of the week. I'm going to type of those resolutions and post them everywhere. If I'm not looking at them, I'm not thinking about them and therefore I'm not doing them. So I challenge you. Go find those resolutions, remember those resolutions or create new ones. But make a commitment to get back on track. Put them up in places where you'll see them all the time. On the dash of your car, on your bathroom mirror, on the refrigerator. Every month is a new month, every week a new week, every day a new day and every hour is a new hour. You can start from this moment forward and if you forget or stop or slide backwards, thats ok. Just pick yourself up and start again. 2 steps forward, 1 step back.
I remember making a vow to myself that I would take a look at those resolutions once every week to remind myself to work on those. I felt so proud of myself because I knew at the end of the year I would look back and feel proud about the changes I've made this last year. When was the last time I looked at those? I have no clue. Its been so long I can't remember.
What were those resolutions? I remember there being something about setting myself weekly mini goals to help keep me going. Little things I know I can do but I just need to work at more. Things that aren't hard but that make a difference. At the end of the week you look back on those goals and think. Yeah, I did that. You feel confident and like there are many more things that you can do. Those little goals you get done each week help motivate you, keep you motivated and make you feel good about yourself and what you can do. One baby step at a time. So I've missed at least the whole past month. I haven't been working on my resolutions. Are you feeling the same? You know what I realize? It's never too late to start over. Or to jump back on that train. I'm going to pull out that list tonight and look back over it. Make a few little goals for the rest of the week. I'm going to type of those resolutions and post them everywhere. If I'm not looking at them, I'm not thinking about them and therefore I'm not doing them. So I challenge you. Go find those resolutions, remember those resolutions or create new ones. But make a commitment to get back on track. Put them up in places where you'll see them all the time. On the dash of your car, on your bathroom mirror, on the refrigerator. Every month is a new month, every week a new week, every day a new day and every hour is a new hour. You can start from this moment forward and if you forget or stop or slide backwards, thats ok. Just pick yourself up and start again. 2 steps forward, 1 step back.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Leading a successful flock
Leading a successful flock
Be mindful of who you are following. By no means develop a skeptical temperament towards authority, but consider the quality of the leadership before you. Are you allowing informed consent to be the rule of your actions rather than blindly following? If not, educate yourself, follow your instincts, and speak up! As a parent or friend, you have a great responsibility to lead your family and friends in the right direction. Take the initiative to review the path you're taking your loved ones down and revise it to make the healthiest and most mutually beneficial choices for everyone.
(from a sparkpeople.com email)
Be mindful of who you are following. By no means develop a skeptical temperament towards authority, but consider the quality of the leadership before you. Are you allowing informed consent to be the rule of your actions rather than blindly following? If not, educate yourself, follow your instincts, and speak up! As a parent or friend, you have a great responsibility to lead your family and friends in the right direction. Take the initiative to review the path you're taking your loved ones down and revise it to make the healthiest and most mutually beneficial choices for everyone.
(from a sparkpeople.com email)
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Deep thought
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Not getting better
I didn't sleep well last night. My husband is with the National Guard and he is currently in Cordova helping dig the town out after massive amounts of snow. I have trust issues. Hey there's something a lot of people can say. Anywho, I don't sleep well unless I feel safe. I spent 8 1/2 years with my baby boy. My big husky/wolf/lab dog. I felt safe with him. We used to go hiking at 3am in bear country and I never once worried. As long as Zeus was with me I felt safe. Well Zeus has been gone for 2 years now, or almost 2 years. It'll be 2 years on the 30th. When my husband is gone I don't sleep very well because I don't feel safe. Even with 3 large dogs in the home. Although seeing as Ares is still under 60 pounds I have a hard time calling him a "large dog" plus he's just a puppy still and none of the dogs I currently have are of Zeus' calabur. His sister is pretty good though. She's only 90 pounds where he was 110 to 120.
This is now where I wanted this to go though. I'm really tired and I'm going to go take a nap. I'll write more later.
This is now where I wanted this to go though. I'm really tired and I'm going to go take a nap. I'll write more later.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Morning Glory
I just finished watching "Morning Glory" What a great movie. These are the kinds of movies I love. The ones that leave you happy, inspired. Where at the end of the movie you feel empowered to go do something great, to follow your dreams, to not take no as an answer, to go forth when people say to turn back. Those are the best movies, the ones that leave you in the frame of mind that says "hey, I can do anything." That's what I love. That feeling of being uplifted and encouraged. You can do anything. Go forward, go, go do something you love. Don't listen to the judgment of others. That negativity comes from people who are too scared to take that first step themselves. Go. Fly. Accomplish your dreams. It's never to late to start.
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